Lets Do A Picture Page

It's late and I am so sleepy. I will just show you the last few days. Kids doing cookies at gramma and grampas house Christmas eve. Ducks last night in the snow. Dogs this morning in the snow. Endless pictures of all my decorating. I love the way my little place looks all Christmased out. I just want to leave everything up all year. And to think I was actually crying about the fake tree. Cady got sick before the sun came up Christmas morning. We thought it was from all the tamales she ate the night before. It is a New Mexico tradition to eat tamales on Christmas and the eve of. She never got well and is still sick. Low grade fever and dizzy and weak. We are forcing water down her but it aint easy. She is dehydrated I am sure. Today(Sunday) is our anniversary. We think we have been married for 17 years. Maybe 16 neither of us can remember and I have no idea where the license is. I think Cady was 1 yr old at our wedding so that would make it 17. We got married in our living room by the Christmas tree with a big fire burning. It was nice. 30 people fit into our house that day. New Years is the 20 year anniv of the night we met. Anyhow, here are the pics. Hope you had a merry day. love you all.

It's Official

It's 1:30 AM. It is now Christmas eve. Joe got called to a fire an hour ago. I am so afraid it could be a house fire. I spent all day on my house and even though I went a little crazy, I love the way it looks. Gage came over late tonite so Joey and Jessie could go shopping for him. I know Gage will have a fun Christmas morning. Everyone in the family got extra things for him and baby Jody. Joey tried so hard to find work but until yesterday there was nada. In the end it has all worked out. I still have to make iceing for my cookies and some fudge. That will have to be done tomorrow. I am sleepy. POsting the pics from tonight. Little Gage was so sleepy. He posed for a few pics and got his dads old blankie and went to sleep. I love you all, good night now. deb

Christmas Eve Eve

(warning. this is kind of mixed up and is full of this n that. I am leaving it since you are used to that with me)

Joe got in at 2 AM. He went to work 2 hrs late but still went. I do not know how he does it. Here are the pics that I took of the tree thing. As you can see, I was wearing jammies and my hair had not seen a brush all day and no make-up. Lovely. Cady and Joe set up the tree on Saturday. Joey has been out of work since his entire crew got laid off at Thanksgiving. He had decided to go to college. He is going to start when school starts up after holiday break. Jimmy (Heathers husband) put him to work yesterday at the shop. (Pro Lube) He will have a few dollars. We have all taken up the slack and bought lots of presents for Gage and Joey. Gage will never know this was the hard year for his mom and dad. Joe got him a huge Tonka dump truck and a talking Diego doll that Gage asked Santa for. Thanks to Biddie there will be lots of extra gifts under the tree for Gage. Thank you for your kind heart. I know you are having a hard time yourself and yet you included my little guy. I do feel very blessed this year. The wind is blowing very hard and it is so dark and cold. I hope we get some snow. I have so much work and decorating yet to do but I am feeling alot more in the spirit now. I pray that I will get the cookie dough made in time. I may even brush my hair today. I am getting to work and I will check in later. Till then, I pray you are cozy and warm and have your cookies made.

Finally, It is Done

After everything I said about the tree it took till tonight to get it finished. Joe and Cady put it together on Sunday. The weather was nice and Joe wanted to work in the yard. He promised to find the lights and get them on the tree Sun night so we could decorate the poor thing. Joe was kinda cranky and had lots to do for his flight the next day so nothing was done about the tree. Joe had grabbed the boxes with lights in them and told me they were the lights that go on the house and he had no idea where the tree lights were. I talked to him several times while he was in New Orleans about the tree and finally today I fell apart. Like he could help. He is hundreds of miles away. Christmas is just days away and the tree was naked. Boxes piled everyplace waiting to decorate the tree. I stayed up till 2 AM sewing the blankets for 2 of my grandsons. It all had to be dome by hand as I used fleece and it just doesn't work on the sewing machine. I also finished the scarves I knitted for Madison and Natalie. I am so happy that I actually completed those projects. After seeing Joes plane take off, Cady and Heather and I went to the mall and a few wonderful shops that were not at the mall. This is my 3rd week-end at a mall. I am not able to handle this much walking I guess. I felt pretty bad all last week and then today I thought I was in the same shape. It is so depressing to have so many ideas and lists of things to accomplish and my body has no intention of going along. Sara called and found me in tears. She loaded up Maddie and appeared at my door 15 minutes later. Cady came in the door right behind her. Sara began the search for the lights. Right away she found that Joe was wrong about the lights. Sara and I put the lights on the tree and then we all got busy and now I am a happy mom. The tree looks just wonderful. It looks just like our real trees always look. I still have much decorating left to do but the tree is up and I feel like maybe I can get myself together this year in time to make it nice for my family. Christmas memories are not about the gifts you get. To our family it is all the things we do together and seeing the kids sing Silent Night in the school play. It's reading the story of Jesus birth and then The Night Before Christmas and knowing the kids get it. We totally do the whole Santa thing here but Jesus as well and one does not knock out the other. I love Santa and never stopped believing. In just a very short amount of time I have come to love this baby. I find myself hovering over Cady already. I am amazed how God works these things out. Joe is starting to feel better about it too and that is a big burdon lifted. Joe loves babies and we already know he will take over this baby as soon as it is born. I love you all for your loving comments to me. This was so hard those first few days. Now it's hard to believe that my heart was so broken. It's just after midnight now and Joe is less than 100 miles from home. I am so happy he made such good time. Going to make him some hot cocoa and bacon and eggs and then off to bed. The wind is kicking up and it is cold out there. I hope I can get all the decorating over tomorrow. The grandkids love it but so do my kids. I hope the time never comes when I can no longer do all the things I do now. I guess it will be like tonight. Sara heard my cry and came a runnin. I will post some pictures as soon as Joe helps me with them. My love and best wishes to you my sweet friends. You are a special.

Getting With The Program

For the most part I am over being sad. Maybe it was going to the big mall in El Paso with Heather and Jimmy last Sunday that got my heart to changing. I saw some of the cutest baby clothes in the world and that was all she wrote. This baby is going to be a girl and her name is Isabella. Cady is at her first sonagram appt right now. I am not there because I have the flu. Boyfriend is supposed to meet her there but just in case he cannot make it Heather( big sis) will be ready to jump in. I had to call work for Cady to let them know she will be late and I told them the news. The woman I always end up talking to is such a big bitch. Cady is staying there until next week and get her damn Xmas bonus. After that she can look for another part time job. I can get upset with my daughter but nobody else better give her any trouble. The only time I ever got a ticket was for threatening to hit a police officer for arresting my 14 yr old son for something he did not do. Yes, I have a real trashy side what can I say? The judge laughed at the ticket and gave me no fine. I have since learned to control my temper a little better.
Joe is flying to New Orleans on Sunday. Picking up a vehicle on Mon and driving it back here. I always wanted to see the French Quarter when I was younger. Hope he takes a few pictures for me. Sunday before last is when Cady gave us her news. I had cried on and off all that day over having to put up a fake tree this year. Never in my life have a had a fake tree. I don't know why it such a big thing for just this one year. I had to make a choice. We don't have the money this year and I have 8 grandkids to buy gifts for. If I spend 60.00 on a tree it will put a big dent in my funds. Okay, no big deal. Then finding out grandbaby # 9 is on the way kind of took the importance of the tree off my list. There is still no tree up in our home. I have decorated the mantle and piano and all the doorways. I cannot bring myself to put together a tree. This is a big and very beautiful fake. Heather used it in her den last year. My dad is rolling over in his grave just knowing that I have it in my house. I am not sure if it's about me and my dad or what it is. He took me with him each year to pick just the right tree. It was a big deal. Christmas was my dads favorite thing all year. This sounds like self therapy. Tonight no matter what, before we turn out the lights there will be a tree up and I know I will be happy. I am so blessed how can I waste time on something so small?

So Sad

I have not posted in a while. I don't know if anyone even comes here anymore. I am feeling like the words have to be pulled from my gut. First let me say I feel bad for the post all about my back and all my other complaints. I wasn't sure if I should go there but then decided I would. My brother got angry with me and told me I sounded like Grandma. I was so relieved that it wasn't all in my head. Guess I just didn't need to give some much info. So I am sorry about that. Next is something that has been eating at my heart since last Sunday night. I debated putting it out there for all to see. But you are my friends. You have helped me in ways you cannot know. So here goes, Sunday night Cady (my barely 18 yr old daughter) handed me a piece of paper. It was from a walk-in clinic. I read on it that the pregnancy test they performed had come up positive. I read it again because I wasn't sure what I had read. Then looking up at Cady, I dropped the paper on the floor and left the room. I sat alone in the dark of my bedroom and just stared into the darkness. My Moma died in 1982 and not since then have I cried that kind of cry. Joe was in his office on his computer and unaware that our lives had just been changed forever and without our having any input into the matter. All her dreams of college and even graduating next year are now going to be a struggle at best. Boyfriend will not even be 18 till Feb. His biggest goal in life is driving around with his brothers car club on the week-ends in his crappy car with gas bought by his mom. They are a poor family and have more than they can handle already. So this will be our baby. Cady just doesn't get it. That night I called Sara (daughter # 2, 21 yrs old) and asked her to please come get me. She asked me if Cady had told me the news. Before she arrived I had told Cady she would be telling her dad. I wasn't gonna be the one to break his heart,. But in the end I just walked in and asked him if he would pray for us. I never said for what. He held my hands and said a very sweet prayer and somehow it had all the right words in it. When he finished I blurted out the words no parent wants to hear. Sara came and it was then that Cady went in to her dad and as she cried she hugged his neck and said "dad I am sorry". I left the house until way late when I could finally stop crying. I know we will all love this baby but today I am not feeling that. I feel so sad at the loss of the life she could have had. The struggle it will be just to get her through the rest of this year and next. I could teach her a lesson and make her see why it is that I cry about this everyday. I could not help. But that really isn't an option. In the end boyfriend cannot be counted on to help. I really give him little or no thought at all. She was talking so much about after she was out of high school and could get a job and her own place or a room mate and go to college. Now she will be here at home with her mom and dad trying to juggle school and a baby. If she were a very motivated person it would be different. She is a very young 18. She has been protected and not out in the world. I have to remind her to do everything. I now have to stop and let her learn how to handle her life. I took her to the library and checked out 8 books on pregnancy and birth. She is reading them. And if you think she is at all upset about this, no she is not. So many times this week I wanted to knock her head off. I have 5 kids and 8 grandkids. Maybe I am selfish but I was through having babies. I love being a grandma. I took care of my oldest grandson for 8 months when he was about 2. Heather's life went into the toilet for a while. She got herself together and is the best mom I know. I took care of Gage while my son and his wife( Joey and Jessie) worked for almost 3 years. The hard part of that is feeling like he is mine. he still wants to be here with grampa all the time and we miss him so much it hurts. He lives only 2 miles away. My kids all take care of their kids and Joe and I babysit now and then. The other times the kids are just here cuz we want them to be. I just can't believe that I our lives took this turn and now here we are. So, I could go on and on but I shouldn't. Like I said, certainly we will love this baby and welcome it into our family. Everyone is already saving cribs and clothes. But for right now, I grieve.