A Better Day

A few pics of Billy.

Well, I found I could not shut my brain off last night. Sometime after 3 AM I dozed off. Sometime around sunrise I felt that warm feeling I had not felt in many a year but even asleep I knew what it was and flew up and out of bed. Yep, Gage peed on us both. Cleaned us up and put a pile of towels under him and tried to get back to that sleep that took all night for me to find. I slept from 7-9. Okay, that was better than nothing. I called the ex to finally tell him about Joey. He likes to be left in the dark and have a false sense of okayness. Well I do not blame him and I would love it if I could get some of that too. Gage and I had to go to town to pay a few bills and I wanted to tan. Grandpa Billy(the ex) lives right by the tanning salon and so we dropped by and asked if Gage could hang out for a bit. He let me go tan and when I came back I told him I was going to buy Gage a few outfits. He has nothing. Grampa handed me 2 twentys and told me if I needed more to come back. Now I thought that was the sweetest thing. He is on a fixed income and has to watch his dollars. I took his $ and mine and took Gage to everyplace in town. His little legs started to get weary and he wanted to go home(my house) but we had a job to do. I never saw a 3 year old get so happy about new clothes. We had to change his clothes in the parking lot in the back seat cuz he had to wear em now. He got the cutest Nike sandals and 6 outfits and a pool and some pool toys. Then we went out to lunch and he perked up. By now it was 5:30 and time for the cousins last baseball game. We ran over just in time. My other son, Billy and his best friend and my son in law Jimmy are coaches. They do such a great job with the kids. They put in the extra $ and have all the kids names put on the backs of the shirts. They order huge trophys and give each child a small gift. Billy is Joeys total opposite. They don't speak much anymore due to Joeys attitude. Billy is devoted to his wife and his boys. After we left Grampa Billys house Gage and I went to the library and he did puzzles and read the giant books. He picked 14 books to bring home to read. It was rough making it to my vehicle with all those books and Gage in tow. We got home at 7 tonight and Gage took his books and made his own library. And then he waited. Cuddled up with his special blanket on my lap he kissed me and told me he loves me and when is Grampa Joe coming home? He managed to keep awake until 11:30 and now his day is complete. He's in Grampas arms and they are reading. He will fall asleep any second. And maybe this is what I can do. I cannot change Joey. I can fill in the gaps and whatever need I see with my grandkids. At the end of this day I feel like I am not such a total failure. And I was too busy to wash the pee sheets. I didn't realize that until 10:30 tonight. It's 12:30 and I still have 1 load to do. No rest for the wicked.

one more thing. am i doing the wrong thing by letting gage feel so at home with us? he's been with me 5 days a week since he was 1 yr old. he will be 4 in sept. well, until 2 months ago when jody was born. i feel like we are his other home but he breaks his momas heart by wanting to stay here always. it makes me sad. what would you do?