The Things I Don't Say

I have never really gone into anything that was too unhappy or personal about my family. But ya see, I have this son. His name is Joey. I love him more than my own life. LIke I do all my kids. He has been the source of more tears and misery in my life than any 5 people. His poor wife is 33 weeks pregnant. His little boy and my sweety pie Gage, is 3 yrs old. He has bouts of depression and to make himself feel better he will do whatever it takes. He does not care how much he hurts Jessie or what Gage sees and hears. On Dec 25th 2000 I had a breakdown and was hospitalized. It was 3 days shy of being the 1 year anniv of the day he was taken in hand cuffs from our home. He was gone for 3 1/2 yrs. He turned 18 behind prison walls. I insides are shaking so bad I can only sit and stare. Why am I here? I don't know. Maybe next week I will read this and gain some insight that alludes me right now. His cruel and selfish treatment of his poor wife makes me so angry I cannot put it into words. I wish he would just move out and let them have some peace. Jessie loves him and I don't see that happening. In his selfish rotten way he loves her too. But this is not love that anyone needs. If he does not change or get help I feel that I may disown him but that really changes nothing. I love him and he is a hurtful person. It is not about him anymore. His wife and babies come first. They were married one year last Sunday. As his mom it breaks my heart to see how he hurts Jessie and not be able to make him wake up and stop. His friends are his main concern. Like a 6th grader. Tonight if he had answered my call it would have been so bad. The baby is due soon and I need to be there for her. My mouth could ruin that. Her mom was here for his show tonight. Her parents live in the mts. They have drinking issues and Joey is rude to her mom when he gets the chance. I am through with my son. But how can I be? There are my grandbabies to consider. There is my daughter in law. And there's this unconditional love that I have for him.It's like being crushed under a ton of stress.