It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

I have been sinking down for weeks now but I could always fake it. That is a good thing cuz if I can still fake it then it's not that bad. There is too much for me to do. I feel like I am going to fly into a million pieces. Joey and Jessie are getting married on Feb 17th. I wrongly assumed her Mom would be very involved and was just hoping there would be some things I could do to help. I thought the worst news was that our friend who was going to cater had gone back to drugs. Hell, thats nothing compared to all the rest of this crap, In fact,I could use some drugs myself right about now. Can't spare the cash though LOL! They have not picked a cake,we have not got a "for sure" list on the food. I don't know how I am going to decorate the church,cook the food, get walked down the aisle(oh man,I don't want to have do that part. I won't look good enough) then jump up and get the food from the kitchen in the back room to the tables. We are doing everything at the church. Yes, I will have help but I have never done this,I am not that into weddings in the first place. I have nothing against them,I would rather use the money and go to europe on a great honeymoon. Okay,we aren't spending anything near that kind of cash but you get my point.
I just feel so sad for poor little Jessie. I have spent half the day in tears. Then to top it off, those assholes at ALL MY CHILDREN killed off Dixie today. Since I was already crying I just kept on. Silly, hell yes! But I have invested my time since the age of 17 in that damn show,I named my daughter after the girl who plays Dixie. That would be Cady. My ulcer is making a comeback this week. I now have to go to the ex for valium. I hate asking him for anything. Without something I will lay awake all night and keep thinking.This is more telling than the 100 LIST. Now you can see how screwed up I really am. And gee,I just don't feel like smiling and saying how fine I am this week. I know these are times to seek out the Lord in prayer. These are the times I don't wanna anymore. Don't wanna anything. I want to please everyone and I fear I will not be able to pull it off. I know there will be no comments on this stupid rant of a post and I expect none. What can you say to this? Not much. I just had to talk to someone I guess. Thanks,, And did I mention that Saturday our favorite parakeet died? He got a cold, took him to the vet ,he died of a heart attack.He got scared to death. I made the vet cry. He still charged us 37.50. Guess he didn't feel that bad.